I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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