i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
its liver damage thursday
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