Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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