my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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