I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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