The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
