You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
