I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I want her autograph on my taint
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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