i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
