oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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