Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
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I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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