I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING THE BAGELS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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