he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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