take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
