if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
