dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
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Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
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I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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