I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
