why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
