just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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