Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
