Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
