So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
