Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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