tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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