Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
