I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
