Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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