but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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