Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
