the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
