I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
