I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
