If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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