Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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