I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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