i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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