i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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