The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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