its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
