youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
