we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
