i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
