the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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