Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
