She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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