dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
