I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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