Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
