can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize