I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
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