Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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