thus making me awesome and them whores
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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