There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
