I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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