btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
