I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
