this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The adults are the big ones right?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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