so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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