It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
