oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
