she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
