I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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