I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
