You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
