I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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