My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
