We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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