i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Green mimosas i think yes
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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