bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
