Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
