I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
