he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
