I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
