i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
